I know my blog posts are super random but I like to share some of my real-time struggles with you guys because it’s real shit that goes on in my life and I know I’m not alone with these issues. I hope that me sharing stories from my life can help provide perspective for someone who may be struggling with similar issues.
My image as a fitness professional is as a fit, positive, energetic happy guy. The image in the fitness industry as a whole is that or these brooding tough guys/gals that are hardcore to the max. But we don’t much talk about the challenges of normal everyday life. Challenges that impact, and many times inhibit, progress in regards to fitness goals. When your life is falling apart or you don’t love yourself enough to push hard towards your fitness goals then there’s no point in me telling you that you can do it. You need to work on the person as a whole before you can work on the packaging or you’ll just be a pretty bag of shit, which we see a lot of. So I like to share with you my struggles and the work I do as a person to make myself whole. I feel that if you can relate to my stories on a personal level and begin to do the internal work yourselves then we can all become healthier people, not just bodies.
So here’s a bit of written rambling I did today to get out some of the shit that’s been rolling around in my head this week.
There are periods in my life where my mentality completely changes and I become a very withdrawn, pensive person.
I’m normally very outgoing and positive but I regularly switch to having the needs of an introvert
There are times when my whole world gets flipped on it’s head and I question everything I’ve been building
“Am I in the right career?”
“Am I spending time with the right people?”
“Am I using my time on worthwhile endeavors or wasting my life away?”
Questions like that
Sometimes I get to a point where I want to “burn it all down” and run away
Break all my social ties
Drop all of my projects and goals
Completely bomb everything that I’ve worked so hard to build over the passing weeks, months and years.
Is it a lack of self esteem? A deep down belief that I don’t deserve good things? Great things?
Is it fear? Fear that I’ll fail at all these things I’ve put so much time into?
Is it depression? A chemical shift in my body that changes the lens in which I view my life in?
Is it that I’m not a full on Extrovert but a mixture of intro and extrovert? (#ambivert)
To be honest it’s all 4, plus some other types of crazy that I’m not even equipped to deal with yet
So what do I do?
Do I give into these impulsive feelings of fear and weakness and run away from everything?
It’s an option…
But then what?
I start all over again?
But with what?
What would be worthwhile enough that I would replace my current life with?
I change locations, meet new people, get a new job, re-start everything
New life, all the old problems gone!
What would prevent me from getting overwhelmed and burning it all down again?
I would be back to the same loop.
The same cycle of self pity and fear of failure
It’d actually be worse because then I’d have a whole pile of “failures” to look back on to prove to myself that I am and always will be a failure
So no, I choose to take the warriors path.
I choose to slog through the mud in pursuit of my goals,
Hell, just to get through day without collapsing sometimes
Courage isn’t action without fear,
Courage is action IN THE FACE of fear.
I will face my fears of failure and inadequacy
I will accept my character flaws and appreciate the imperfect people in my life that put up with my bullshit
I will remind myself that I’m worthy and needed, even if it’s only by one person sometimes
I’ve put a huge amount of effort and time into the life I have, even if that life isn’t “perfect”
I’m going to honor myself by continuing on the path that I chose to put myself on
I’ll live creatively and consciously to adapt and create the life I want in the future
But I won’t give up on myself and burn this bitch down
Fuck that, I’ve worked too hard for this shit
Life is hard y’all. Finding out where you fit in and where you’re supposed to be is utterly exasperating sometimes. But you can do it. Just have faith in your vision, your effort, and NEVER give up. NEVER. The winners are the ones who persist.
In my experience, there’s repeated times where life intimidates and overwhelms you. You may get an overpowering urge to say fuck it all. But you deserve more than that. You deserve the success, the greatness and the happiness you’ve been work towards. You just have to have the courage to persist and know that happiness is not in the destination but the journey.